Duke Ellington

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Duke Ellington - Encore Series (DVD, 2004) US $1.99

Duke Ellington - Sophisticated Lady [Audio CD] Ellington, Duke US $1.99

Duke Ellington - High Life [Audio CD] Ellington, Duke US $2.02

Duke Ellington: Sacred Concert / New DVD US $3.75

Anger is fuel--you can feel it and want to do SOMETHING! But often, it is not acceptable, polite, or appropriate to demonstrate that anger, so you do everything to: avoid it, stuff it, ignore it, bury it, hide it, etc. When you cannot avoid it any longer, you act out and live to regret it, and so the people around you. You do everything--but listen to it.

Sometimes, you may not even acknowledge that you feel angry, but the people around notice and they react to you. Seeing anger in another activates the most primitive part of the brain, because it senses danger when anger is shown. Their responses will be to avoid you, cater to you or react to you in kind. Rarely will they try to engage you productively, because anger is a scary emotion for most people.

Anger is too strong of an emotion to ignore or be used inappropriately; if it is, it can destroy business relationships in a heartbeat or slowly erode them over time. Maya Angelou once said, "...people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Angry people seem to be surprised that their business relationships should suffer from some "simple" anger. However, none of us gets to decide how people will react to us, we only get to decide how we act.

Even with all the bad press, anger is not inherently bad. It is meant to be listened to and acted upon--not acted out. Any number of things can drive your anger, but if you do not deal constructively with your own stress and issues, and your concerns and problems with others when they are small, the situations will become more problematic as time passes. As a result, your emotions of irritation and frustration escalate to anger, which then begins to fester.

When anger is not dealt with productively, it can render the nicest person impatient, resentful, sarcastic, mean, bitter and vindictive; emotions which are corrosive to you and others. When anger goes unchecked, it can start to be your default response and the people around you are likely to become worried, anxious, tense or fearful. Anger is dangerous to your career and your emotional health, driving others away, even if that was not your intention. It does not have to be this way; dealing with your anger from a positive perspective can bring into your life what all human beings need to thrive: respect, empathy, kindness, support, compassion, generosity and love.

Anger is a tool--not your master. Listen to it and decide how you want to use it to your advantage. Sometimes, your anger can say more about you, than it does about others. Dealing effectively with your anger means having productive mindsets--a positive inner game--that enables you to constructively meet what life throws your way. Developing personal mastery raises your inner game; it may mean letting go of old mindsets and adopting new ones.

Here are a range of mindsets to embrace for a positive inner game:

• I am entitled to feel anger; I am not entitled to dump it on others.
• I let anger motivate me to reflect and see the best course of action to take.
• Talking with a trusted advisor enables me to understand the root causes of my anger.
• I release my anger through some form of exercise, breathing, meditation, or venting in a safe place.
• I take the time to reflect and use my insights to stop/shift my anger from being triggered.
• I can choose not to let anger consume me; I can forgive myself and others.
• I am 100% responsible for my actions, so anger is a gift to remind me that I have not managed my boundaries well and I can do something constructive about the situation.
• I recognize the need to reflect and take action to care for myself when my angry responses are out of proportion to the situation.
• When I feel anger and other strong emotions, I can tell someone how I feel and think in a constructive way, and it strengthens the trust in the relationship.

Internalizing these mindsets enables you to take positive action to implement your beliefs, so check in with a trusted friend or advisor to make sure that you are on-track with you new inner game. When all else fails, take a note from the page of the great musician, Duke Ellington, "I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues." Use your energy to create what serves you, not what depletes you.